My Mama's Boy

Or really mothers & their boys ... So as this is written, my daughter is 5 1/2 & my son 4 1/2.

My new obsession is looking for men that have good relationships with their mothers.  They respect her, like to call her & spend time with her.  Mostly I see men who love their mothers, but live far away, check in infrequently & or kinda forget about her...

Which brings me to - I'm terrified of 'losing' my son.  He is sweet, kind, cuddly, sincere. He brings me a present every day - usually a leaf.  My daughter has always been strong, spirited & independent, which I can relate to better than this softer little boy.  So as I work with her, do things with her, spend time with her, him I hold, I kiss, I stare at.

Based on my relationship with my mother, my friends with their mothers, I'm hoping that my daughter & I will always have a strong & mostly positive relationship.  I understand it will change, she will at some point think I'm crazy, then come back to me.   We will plan her wedding, we'll discuss every aspect of her first pregnancy & commiserate how long the second one seems to last.  We'll shop, cook, garden & drink wine. 

But my son... I know he's going to leave me.  He will at some point need to pull away, or he'll be the dreaded "MAMA'S BOY".   My friend's mother made a good point, that he will go through things in those middle & high school years that make me want to let him go.  He won't be this cute little boy; he'll be a big dirty boy that does gross things.  That comforts me a bit, maybe it'll be a little easier ... but it's still looming.

So I've decided to enjoy him and follow his lead.  I'll show him I'm constant in his life, be at his sporting things or concerts.  We'll laugh, get ice cream & go for bike rides.  I'll remind my husband to call his mother so that my son learns by example.  This will work, right?? and then when he's all grown up, his wife will love me & they'll move in down the street.

But for now, he's still falling asleep in my bed & sitting in my lap, no matter how much harassment I get from my husband.

OMG the Dog is Dead

So our poor dog is 11 years old.  I adopted him when he was 12 weeks old & we were inseparable for about 7 years.   I took him on errands, to friends houses, to gay bars with cabanas where he'd be passed around all night for cuddling.  He wore costumes and posed for pictures.  I carried him around in a purse. 

Then I got pregnant.  My friend told me "once you have kids, your dog will become just a dog" and I was seriously insulted, really not believing she could be so mean.  We had our first baby & the dog was nice, but a little put out.  We quickly had the second baby and the dog went to stay with my parents.  When we moved into a larger space, we brought the dog back, thinking now there was a place for everyone & we'd be one big happy family.  Instead, the dog is even more neglected & when attention is paid to him, he'd rather we just left him alone.  My son likes to 'ride' on him, my daughter to teach him tricks that he doesn't understand.  So he goes outside, eats things he should not & then throws it up all over the house.  Some nights I'm up with him letting him in & out ... it's like having new born all over again.

Last night the dog was up whining.  I put him out, I let him in.  I gave him a treat & went back to bed.  We hear him licking, coughing, jingling his tags.  Then SILENCE, for a solid 5 minutes.  Now, he's not a barker, he's VERY quiet anyway.  But you can always hear him moving about in his old dog ways.  My husband & I lay there in silence until I eventually whisper "you awake?"

Husband: "did your dog just die?"
Me : "maybe, but can it wait til morning?"
Husband: "No, I'll go with you"

We come down the stairs to find him just sitting & looking up at us.  So travesty averted...

But the lesson here is that I thought I heard my dog die & I wanted to go back to sleep.  I pictured coming down before the kids & putting his little furry body in a SCOOP shopping bag & taking it to the vet to cremate.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??  I brushed his hair this AM out of guilt.  And when my friend warned me, I wasn't in a place I could hear it, but now I fully agree with her.  (if you're still coddling your dog around town - ignore this & enjoy your pooch).

So when I visit my lovely parents this summer, I will be leaving my poor dog once again with them & their dog.  The dogs love each other & my mom walks them everyday.  He deserves better, so let's just be at peace with that decision.